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Q: What does the Bible really say about divorce?
A: First, you will find my theology of Divorce and Remarriage in The Chronological Life of Christ, volume 2, pp 104-113. It is well documented for further research on your own. Here, however, I will discuss the 1 Timothy 3:2 passage.
The wording of "a one woman man" is only found in one other place in scripture, and that is 1 Timothy 5:9. Since it is describing a widow, it can only mean that for all her life she has only been married once. Therefore, I apply that to 1 Timothy 3:2. I do not believe the issue is polygamy here, but rather divorce (although in all fairness, I recognize this is debated).
This notion that divorce is not recognized by God is ridiculous. Jesus said to the woman at the well (Jn 4:18) "You have had five husbands and the man you are now living with is not your husband." Thus Jesus recognized five legal marriages and one illicit relationship. Obviously a second wife is as much a wife as the first and not an adulteress.
The structure of 1 Timothy 3:2-7 begins and ends with the primary qualification of a good reputation. It is my opinion that every qualification in between is a description of how one would experience such a reputation. In other words, I think it would be very appropriate to place a colon after the good reputation of verse 2. That is the quintessential characteristic of a good elder. Furthermore, the specifics found in vv. 3-6 differ from those found in Titus one. Does that mean that elders had different rules in Ephesus than on Crete? No. We must understand that this list of qualifications (as all lists in the N.T.), are incomplete. They don't list every potential qualification. Rather, they draw a general portrait of what an honorable man looks like. The debatable question is this: Can a man who lacks one of the specific characteristics still be honorable in the eyes of the church and the community. My OPINION is yes. Will this differ from church to church depending on their geographic and cultural location? yes. Many don't like such ambiguity. Nevertheless, I find hard and fast rules based on these two lists, less effective in identifying godly leaders, than the spirit led wisdom of the Elders of individual congregations. (By the way, I know Mark Scott agrees with this opinion because he is the one who taught it to me in Timothy and Titus many years ago, for whatever that's worth. I also know that Jim Marcum has a different opinion . . . as you can see, this is not a clear issue, even on our campus -- love must prevail).
Why did Jesus say a man who divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery? This is a metaphor (The sermon on the mount is full of them). The act of divorce can not force a woman into bed with another man. In other words, the two acts are not identical. They are, however, similar. Both cause a woman to be treated as sexually immoral, both acts break up the marriage God loves, both acts cause detrimental financial chaos, particularly for women and children. In this sense, when a man divorces a wife, he causes her to experience the same ramifications as a woman who is an adulteress. Thus, divorce is like adultery, since the both cause the same things to happen. But to say that a divorced person lives in perpetual adultery is cruel and hurtful and (I think) unsupportable by the scriptures.
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